Serve, Learn & Lead with Raymond Tay

Breakthrough with Tony Robbins

I am so excited when I knew about the new television show, “Breakthrough with Tony Robbins“ and can’t wait to watch all the 6 episodes. Tony Robbins is an entrepreneur, author and peak performance strategist; he is always my role model and I love all the concepts, strategies and stories that he has shared. The 1st Episode is about “Love Conquers all – Frank and Kristen” and their darkest moments began on their wedding day when Frank jumped into a pool and broke his neck. From that tragedy, he become a quadriplegic. Kristen has become more as a caretaker than a wife for Frank. With the help of Tony Robbins, he changed their patterns & beliefs and gave them incredible experience (e.g. skydiving, playing wheelchair rugby, driving his truck) to believe that life can still be extraordinary even with disability. After watching the video, my tears fall esp. at the last part, when they rewrote their wedding scene/story and I just so touched. Get inspired and breakthrough in your own life!!

Happy Father’s Day

Sometimes in life, we have forgotten about the relationship that we have with our closest people or our love ones. Taking things for granted. Not being grateful for what we have. As today we celebrate Father’s Day, let us think about the happiest moments we have with our Dads and thank our Fathers for teaching and bringing us up.

A touching video for you & your father:

Time to Set Compelling Goals for 2010

Every year without fail, I’ll find time to sit down and write down my goals for the new year. With computer/laptop nowadays, I can easily search and select several empowering pictures for my Vision Wallpaper (instead of a real board) and I think it’s good enough (esp. I need to face my laptop daily). My vision wallpaper will act as a reminder for me to focus and continue to stay motivated & hopeful to reach my goals.

You can follow me or choose the most practical way for yourself. As usual, I have set goals for all aspects of my life (e.g. relationship, financial, business, health and other personal development goals). I encourage you to do so too and not to neglect any areas of your life as we’ll not feel fulfilled if there’s still an area that you are not happy about. My favourite words are “To Be A Complete Human!!”

I believe most of you already know the importance & benefits of goal setting (if you don’t, can drop me some comments) and thus I’ll not elucidate over here.

Have you heard of the 1953 Yale Goal Study? I have read this study in a couple of books and curious whether it really exists. To my surprise, after spending some time in researching, I saw my articles stating that it’s actually a fiction or myth and there are even like-minded people went to ask Tony Robbins/Zig Ziglar/ Yale University about the evidence of this study. It seems like no one can provide the facts or reports. Quite disappointed but still enjoyed the story.

Interestingly, there was a “Written Goal Study“ by Gail Matthews, from Dominican University. This study consisted of 267 participants from  United States, Belgium, England, India, Australia and Japan and they were made up of entrepreneurs, educators, healthcare professionals, artists, attorneys, bankers, marketers, human services providers, managers, vice presidents, directors of non-profits, etc.

The participants were randomly assigned into these 5 groups:

• Group 1- Unwritten Goal (thinking about what they wanted to accomplish over the next 4 weeks)
• Group 2- Written Goal
• Group 3- Written Goal & Action Commitments
• Group 4- Written Goal, Action Commitments to a Friend
• Group 5- Written Goal, Action Commitments & Progress Reports to a Friend

The results of this study concluded that:

1. The positive effect of accountability was supported: those who sent weekly progress reports to their friend accomplished significantly more than those who had unwritten goals, wrote their goals, formulated action commitments or sent those action commitments to a friend.
2. There was support for the role of public commitment: those who sent their commitments to a friend accomplished significantly more than those who wrote action commitments or did not write their goals.
3. The positive effect of written goals was supported: Those who wrote their goals accomplished significantly more than those who did not write their goals.

Now there’s this substantial research to support the impact of written goals. As expected, we have been told and understand the Power of Goals. So why wait if you haven’t start to write down your goals? It’s free anyway and nothing to lose. =)

Also, Performance is maximized even when the goal is not achieved!

Take ACTION now!!

“Think little goals and expect little achievements. Think big goals and win big success.“ – David Joseph Schwartz

“You measure the size of the accomplishment by the obstacles you had to overcome to reach your goals.” – Booker T. Washington

How to Connect with People in 90 sec or less

If you want to get better connection with people, here are some excellent reminders and tips for you. I got a chance to know about Nicholas Boothman and his secrets. Regardless of whether you are in business, I think it’s essential for us to equip with these skills to be success in our life. In this world, we are not living alone and we need help and collaboration with others. Below are the words of wisdom:

• Before a customer buys anything, they have to buy YOU.
• Once people like YOU, they look for opportunities to say “Yes“.
• Attitude drives behaviour.
• It’s your attitude at the beginning of a task that determines your success or failure.
• Looking into the mirror and say, “GREAT!“. (Love yourself)

3 Simple Steps to Connect with People effectively:

1. Choose an Attractive Attitude. (Resourceful, Welcoming, Enthusiastic)
2. Send the Right Signals.
   - Look them in the eyes and smile.
   - Point your Heart towards them.
   - Synchronize your Body Language.
3. Get them Talking and Keep them talking.
   - Make a short statement.
   - Ask open questions.
   - Give your feedback.

Compliments Make Wonders

Can compliments make wonders? I think it’s possible and we’ll feel good too when we compliment others. Sometimes when we are focusing too much on the flaws/weaknesses/problems/areas for improvement, we forget about what we’re doing well and have. This remarkable video has touched me and motivated me to give more compliments than judgements. We can uplift anyone’s spirit with just a few simple compliments. Letting others feel appreciated and cherished is one of the most forgetting thing that we should be doing in this fast-paced modern world (in my own experience). Make the day for the people around you! Our most important asset is our SMILE!!

When A Lizard Can, Why Can’t We?

When I came across this story, it really surprised me. Whether it is true or not, there is something for us to think about.

This is a true story that happened in Japan.

In order to renovate the house, someone in Japan breaks open the wall. Japanese houses normally have a hollow space between the wooden walls. When tearing down the walls, he found that there was a lizard stuck there because a nail from outside hammered into one of its feet. He sees this, feels pity, and at the same time curious, as when he checked the nail, it was nailed 10 years ago when the house was first built..

What happened?

The lizard has survived in such position for 10 years!!!!!!!!!! In a dark wall partition for 10 years without moving, it is impossible and mind-boggling. Then he wondered how this lizard survived for 10 years! Without moving a single step–since its foot was …..Nailed!

So he stopped his work and observed the lizard, what it has been doing, and what and how it has been eating. Later, not knowing from where it came appears another lizard, with food in its mouth. Ah! He was stunned and touched deeply. For the lizard that was stuck by nail; another lizard has been feeding it for the past 10 years… Imagine? It has been doing that untiringly for 10 long years, without giving up hope on its partner.

Will you do that to your partner? Will you do it to your Mom, Dad, Siblings, Friends or Co-workers?

Imagine what a small creature can do that, then a creature blessed with a brilliant mind can’t? As information and communication technology advances, our access to information becomes faster and faster. But the Distance between human beings . .. . is it getting closer as well?

We must never abandon our loved ones or never say we are busy when they really need us.

A Moment of negligence might break the very heart which loves us thru all odds. It takes a moment to break but an entire life to make. To Live Use Heart and to Survive use Brains. Then life would be a paradise unfurling only Love, Joy and Happiness…

Communication Series – Kickstart Small Talk

After understanding how our body language can aid us, now let begin into the real talk.

Before we even get started, we need to find out what kind of mood our conversational partner is in. As people who are liked each other tend to like one another, if he/she is looking tired or down, we cannot start off with high tone (or full of energy). Then we will scare them away, instead we must Make a Mood Match through our mood & voice tone.

Are you wondering what to say for the first few words? To my surprise, the answer is “ANYTHING!!“. As long as you are passionate & positive about the things you say, whatever you say is fine. 80% of your listener’s impression has nothing to do with your words. Prosaic with Passion!!

How to Make People Want to Start a Conversation with You? A unqiue or special accessory or item that you carry or wear such as amusing hat, funny tie or weird watch. This will help people who want to talk to you can use that item of yours to be the starting point. They can say “Uh, what’s that?” or “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice your…” This technique is “Always Wear a Whatzit“. In addition, you can also be a whatzit seeker to connect with others smoothly.

There are two standard questions that people will ask when you first meet them: “Where Are You From?” and “What Do You Do?”. For the sake of others & youself, do not just say “I am from — Sec Sch/Poly/JC/NUS/Company.” and “I am a teacher/engineer/doctor/psychoanalyst.” Worst: One-word answer. Think & learn about some interesting facts about the place or job we do so that the conversational partner can comment. It is also to let the person know a bit more about the place/job we are in. The name of this technqiue is “Never the Naked Place or Job“.

Furthermore, when you are introducing the host/guest/friend, also do not say “Susan, this is Alan.” We should add in more by sharing an unqiue characteristic or hobby that our friends enjoy. For example, “Susan, I would like you to meet Alan. Alan is the captain of TP dragonboat team.” Similar to previous technique, “Never the Naked Introduction“.

Sometimes we do not know anything about the person, we can learn to Be A Word Detective. By paying attention to the words he/she use, the words are the clues for the topics (like Sherlock Holmes). If you say “Today weather is bad, always raining.” The person can response, “Yeah, wish to suntan, but can’t.” Immediately, you can notice the clues, then ask him/her whether it is his/her hobby or how frequent he/she go for suntanning? It can also lead to asking “You like swimming too?”.

Hope you are amused and excited about the techniques you have learnt like me. Have fun with them.

Communication Series – Silent Signals

I am in the midst of learning new ways of communicating with others as the quality of our lives depend on the quality of our communication. Let me share with you what I have discovered from Leil Lowndes who is a master communicator & conversationalist and coaches top executives in Fortune 500 companies.

As we know our body language carries more weight than the words we use, let us explore some techniques that we can use to condition ourselves before we say the first word. Our goal is to be a confident, credible and charismatic Somebody.

In order to portray a warm & sincere image, we need to work on our SMILE. A study showed that women who were slower to smile in corporate world were perceived as more credible. Therefore, wait for a moment before letting our big, warm & engaging smile flood over our face and overflow our eyes. It is know as “The Flooding Smile“.

Our eyes are the windows of our souls and we have also been told to maintain eye contact with the person that we talk to so as to show respect. According to Yale researchers, they confirmed that “the more eye contact, the more positive feelings” for the person whom we want to build connection. Thus increase the eye contact when talking to somebody (esp. the women). If we are chatting with gentlemen, we need to reduce the eye contact slightly but have more eye contact than our usual standard. Learn to have Sticky Eyes.

How to Look Like a Big Winner Whenever We go? We can do it by having a perfect posture (i.e. pulling back shoulders and stand tall) and visualise ourselves as a winner who is having the pride, success and joy of being alive. A perfect equilibrium and perfect balance is desirable for our lives, can mean life & death. Called as “Hang By Your Teeth” but I will name it as “Stand by Your Shoulder” (more related).

Wanting to make someone feel like an old friend? Use this technique: “Hello Old Friend“. When we meet the person, imagine he/she is an old friend whom we have not met for many years and finally we are reunited again. Then everything will flow in, we will speak more happily and full of excitement in us. 

Till then, put them into action.  I will touch on other techniques soon for you.

Top Ten Most Irritating Expressions

Have you ever wondered any words that we said or used irritated someone?

Researchers from Oxford University have compiled a list of Top 10 Most Irritating Expressions or phrases in their database (Oxford University Corpus) which consists of books, papers, magazines, broadcast, internet and other sources. These are the expressions that are over-used, annoying or grammatically incorrect. It is interesting for us to know and ask ourselves whether we have been using them.

Top 10 Most Irritating Phrases:

1. At the end of the day
2. Fairly unique
3. I personally
4. At this moment in time
5. With all due respect
6. Absolutely
7. It’s a nightmare
8. Shouldn’t of      – - – Correct use: “shouldn’t have“.
9. 24/7
10. It’s not rocket science

The Speed of Trust

With an incredile father, he brought up an equally inspiring & passionate son. The person is Stephen M.R. Covey. You can take a look on my previous post, “From Effectiveness to Greatness” and you will know his father. Stephen has written a book on “The Speed of Trust” and I have learnt new insights about trust in an interview about him.

Trust relates to our own uniqueness and our own missions and destinies. Today, we live in an interdependent, inner-connected world. Our success lie on our stakeholders – customers, investors, suppliers, shareholders, employees, reports, influencers, people we work with, people we want to influence. Relationships are at the heart of interdependence. Trust is truly the key, the glue, that makes relationships work. It increases speed and decreases cost & time. Relationships are at the heart of this interdependent world that we’re living in.

All of us have experienced relationships of low trust and relationships of high trust. The process of building trust is an interesting one, but it begins really, with yourself, with what is called “Self-trust”, and with your own credibility, your own trustworthiness. If you think about it, it’s hard to establish trust with others if you can’t trust yourself. Trustworthiness is the foundation upon which relationships or trust is built. There are two dimensions to how trust works and how this individual credibility works. First, there’s character. Second, there’s competence. Both are vital to building trust with others. Both are vital to building self trust.

People want to be trusted. It brings out the best in them. It’s an extraordinary form of motivation. When people don’t feel trusted, when they don’t feel like their boss trusts them, and then it actually is a de-motivator and is discouraging. Then they are more apt to leave and go somewhere else, and do other things.

To motivate others, we need to set example (see) as it is the greatest way to influence another person, and then connect to build relationship (feel), and then comes to teaching. People tend not to hear until they see and feel.

Myths about Trust:

• Once lost, trust cannot be restored.
  (Reality: Though difficult, in most cases lost trust can be restored.)
• You can’t teach trust.
  (Reality: Trust can be effectively taught and learned, and it can become a leverageable, strategic advantage.)
• Trusting people is too risky.
  (Reality: Not trusting people is a greater risk.)